my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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