The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
