she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Mom said you looked used
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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