Don't make out with my wife yet
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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