please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
