bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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