we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
