im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
