from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
