No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
