i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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