I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
