I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think your dad took our porno
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
