Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
