Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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