been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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