it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
