The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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