my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
