dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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