stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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