Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
