my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
