please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
