Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
