I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
