I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
