She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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