I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
