i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's never too late to be topless.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
