You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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