i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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