Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
