remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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