Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
