i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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