after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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