omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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