I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
