News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
