Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
