Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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