I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
