That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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