i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
