You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
