Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
