I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
