i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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