bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
