So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
