I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
