I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I supernannyed him into submission
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
