I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
