ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
