I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
